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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365895">learn to live as if each step was the end</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainelynch/pseuds/klainelynch'>klainelynch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>time stand still [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drabble Collection, Fire Nation Royal Family, Gen, Implied Suicidal thougths, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Missing Scene, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, POV Zuko (Avatar), Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Zuko’s Scar, and then when he finally understands that he DOES deserve love, he shows that love to others using Iroh as his model, the way that for so long Zuko doesn’t realize that he deserves love, their relationship is my favorite part about my favorite show</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:13:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainelynch/pseuds/klainelynch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>From childhood through old age, the one constant was the love a nephew held for his uncle, and the unconditional love he received in return.</p>
<p>25 moments that shaped and defined Zuko, often in ways he could not even recognize.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>time stand still [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833697</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>learn to live as if each step was the end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Each drabble, including its title, is exactly 100 words.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Blessing</b>
</p>
<p>After reading the letter about Lu Ten, Zuko’s mom said that Uncle might not act the same, and it was important to show him love. She was gone by the time Uncle returned, so Zuko knew this was <i>his</i> job.</p>
<p>Every morning, Zuko hugged Uncle and asked how he had slept. Every afternoon, Zuko brought him his tea. Though he was too old for it, he even drew Uncle a picture of himself performing his latest firebending sequence.</p>
<p>He never knew that his small actions were among the reasons Iroh didn’t choose to join his son in the afterlife.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Suspicion</b>
</p>
<p>“Why are <i>you</i> coming, Azula?” Zuko asked. The Agni Kai was open to the public, but he didn’t think his sister cared enough to see him fight.</p>
<p>She laughed, and it was the kind that gripped Zuko’s stomach. “Oh, I just think it will be something worth watching,” she said. “Have you been practicing your firebending, Zuzu? I’d hate for you to embarrass our family out there.”</p>
<p>“Yeah— that old general won’t know what hit him!”</p>
<p>She just smirked and went to find a seat. </p>
<p>Walking to the platform, he wondered: <i>was there something she knew about this general?</i></p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Disgrace</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko wouldn’t let Uncle stay in the room when he saw it for the first time. He held the small mirror up to his face and felt his throat close. </p>
<p>It wasn’t real. </p>
<p>It wasn’t even possible.</p>
<p>The bandages had felt like they covered his entire head, but Uncle had assured him that the damage wasn’t as widespread as that. </p>
<p><i>Uncle was wrong.</i> </p>
<p>The ugly red and brown of the burn screamed across his entire face. Everyone would remember what he had done, forever. There was no taking any of it back, and Zuko would never be himself again.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Fulfillment</b>
</p>
<p>Once Zuko realized that the crew <i>expected</i> him to be angry, it was easy to <i>stay</i> angry. Before, Zuko would shut others out when his emotions threatened to overwhelm him; now he had nowhere to be alone, so he made <i>his</i> problems everyone <i>else’s</i> problems. </p>
<p>His anger felt good. It felt righteous. Maybe if he’d been this angry, he wouldn’t have begged Father for mercy.</p>
<p>He saw the way the men looked at him after each outburst. They didn’t understand him, but they understood his anger, or at least they thought they did. So they left him alone.</p>
<p>Good.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Music</b>
</p>
<p>On paper, Zuko was in charge of this ship; in reality, Uncle set the daily schedule and course. He never undermined Zuko in important matters, but when Uncle got an idea like music night, there was no talking him out of it. They’d now had five or six of them, and Zuko had done a <i>very</i> convincing job scowling his disapproval through each one.</p>
<p>He wondered if Uncle could tell that his heart wasn’t really in it anymore. No matter what Zuko said in front of his men, he could appreciate how genuinely happy music night made Uncle Iroh.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Birthday</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko did NOT want to celebrate his fourteenth birthday on this stupid ship. He didn’t want a special dinner, or presents, or any acknowledgement of the day whatsoever. Uncle seemed convinced this was a setback in his healing; clearly, Zuko didn’t want to celebrate anything until he had captured the Avatar. </p>
<p>Zuko let him think that. It was easier than the truth.</p>
<p>This was the day his cousin had died. He had seen the date on the army letterhead that was framed in Uncle’s bedroom. How could Zuko celebrate the day that had cost Uncle Iroh his only son?</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Anniversary</b>
</p>
<p>The second anniversary was proving worse than the first. Last year, he’d spent the entire day pouring over his maps. Last year, he still believed in his ability to find the Avatar and return home quickly. Two years after his father put a hand to his face and sent him on his way, he finally understood that no one <i>expected</i> him to succeed. </p>
<p>That wouldn’t stop him, of course. When had other people’s doubt ever factored into his willingness to do whatever it took to achieve anything he set his mind to?</p>
<p>Didn’t make this day any less unpleasant.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Humiliation</b>
</p>
<p>“Nothing like a fat man dancing for his dinner!”</p>
<p>Hours later, the words still rang in his ears. At the time, he thought the shame came from the disrespect to their royal blood. Now he realized it sprang from Uncle’s willingness to play the fool to the end. He knew it was childish, but he was tired of the silliness, the jokes, the apparent <i>unwillingness</i> to see their circumstances for what they really were.</p>
<p>No more. </p>
<p>They deserved better. </p>
<p><i>Zuko</i> deserved better. </p>
<p>Besides, there were other ways to get what you wanted besides degrading yourself for a bully’s pleasure.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Blame</b>
</p>
<p>Listening to Azula’s account of Old Ba Sing Se was easy. Father had asked her to relate the tale during the second course of a dinner for his top generals. They were completely caught up in the story, and Zuko could tell it wasn’t some sort of fawning. They were really and truly impressed with what the young royals had done.</p>
<p>All attention was on Azula, as usual. Zuko didn’t mind. He was still a hero of this story. Blaming his traitorous uncle was easier surrounded by people who believed every word. </p>
<p>Sometimes, Zuko wished he believed it too.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Punishment</b>
</p>
<p>He didn’t realize it until he was walking back to the palace, but Zuko had <i>wanted</i> Uncle to yell at him. He had betrayed him, down in the catacombs, and he had gotten away with it. That wasn’t how things worked in Zuko’s world— he messed up, he got punished. Or sometimes he got punished, and then worked backwards to figure out what he’d done to earn it. Zuko didn’t get away with things.</p>
<p>So why was Uncle letting him get away with this? Why wasn’t he raging, screaming, crying, doing all of the things that Zuko was doing?</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Vacancy</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko always thought of himself as fiercely independent. His father had made it clear, as long as he could remember, that it was the worst kind of weakness to rely on others. No one was going to help him, so Zuko always had to help himself. </p>
<p>Anything that he wanted, he had to claw through obstacles and tear down anyone in his way just to be the last one standing. Sometimes, he was successful; often, he was not; always, he was alone.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until his uncle was in prison that Zuko realized how much he relied on him.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Family</b>
</p>
<p>Looking at the family portrait in the old beach house, Zuko suddenly missed Uncle. He shouldn’t have. Uncle wasn’t in this portrait, even though, at the time, Zuko had asked if he and Lu Ten could join in. Mom had told him and Azula to be extra loving as they were still grieving the loss of Aunt, and Zuko had thought it would be nice to make sure they still felt like part of their family.</p>
<p>“No,” Father had hissed. “You’re part of <i>our</i> family, not his.”</p>
<p>Zuko could still feel how his father’s grip bit into his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Power</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko knew Uncle was a powerful bender. You didn’t get the title <i>Dragon</i> by being anything other than the best. As a kid, he heard stories about General Iroh in battle, leading his troops with the fiercest displays of firebending that left his enemies dead or wishing they were. Sometimes, Zuko would ask Uncle to show him those moves, and he obliged.</p>
<p>On the day of the eclipse, Zuko didn’t see his uncle. He only saw the wreckage. It told him what a fool he was, to think that he’d had any idea of what Uncle’s power truly was.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Awe</b>
</p>
<p>It was only as they flew back on Appa that Zuko realized just how many colors there had been. All he knew in the moment was the beauty of fire and the freedom he felt as he understood its true nature. For so long, fire had been nothing more than a weapon— a way to measure his worth. Now he knew it was so much more.</p>
<p>He surprised himself by sharing these thoughts with Aang, who smiled and said, “I’m sure your uncle felt the same way when he met the Masters. You’re following his path.”</p>
<p>Zuko hoped so.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Lesson</b>
</p>
<p>After the dragons, the real key was getting Aang to understand how his circular motions were making him think like an airbender instead of a firebender. Once Zuko helped him overcome that mental block, the Avatar’s training sped up tremendously. They went through sets in hours that had taken Zuko weeks to learn, and he was relieved to realize that he wasn’t bitter about that fact. He was sad, though.</p>
<p>Every time Zuko taught Aang firebending, he was reminded of his uncle, and how much better of a pupil Aang was to Zuko than Zuko ever was to Iroh.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Friends</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t realize that the people he had spent months tracking and fighting… were really normal. They had a set time to wake up and go to sleep, they split the chores and rotated when someone complained, and they told the same stories again and again.</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t really realize that he wasn’t normal like they were until they got to talking about favorite birthdays, and everyone kept bringing up their friends who made the days special.</p>
<p>Zuko realized that, try as he might, he couldn’t recall a single happy childhood memory that didn’t involve his mother or uncle.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Apologies</b>
</p>
<p>When Zuko was seven, he hurt his mom’s feelings. He couldn’t remember what he had said, but he remembered how bad he felt when her face crumbled. Uncle came to his room later and helped him come up with a good enough apology to give the next day.</p>
<p>“Speak your heart, nephew, and give her space,” he said. “Your mother knows you love her and will forgive you when she’s ready.”</p>
<p>After Boiling Rock, Zuko wondered if he’d given Katara enough space; he pulled her aside and tried his apology again.</p>
<p>“This doesn’t change things between us,” she hissed.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Trust</b>
</p>
<p>The servants were afraid of him. Last time he came home, he’d just been a prince. Now he was the fire lord, and Zuko guessed their experiences of fire lords weren’t great. It was going to take humility on his part to not take darting eyes or quick exits too personally.</p>
<p>Zuko worked slowly. He learned servants’ names, and their family member’s names too. He asked about things that were important to them, and genuinely wanted to know the answer. Sometimes, Zuko got to see the beginning of a shift inside a person, away from that fear. </p>
<p>
  <i>Got one.</i>
</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Sanity</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko loved his daughter with his whole heart, but <i>Agni</i>, after three meltdowns in one hour, he was thankful when Uncle took his grandniece for some quality time.</p>
<p>“Oh she wasn’t bad at all!” Iroh assured him later that evening. Zuko started to respond that lying wasn’t necessary— he knew what sort of chaos Izumi could manage— but Iroh continued, “She reminded me of you when we traveled on that ship years ago.” </p>
<p>The outrage must have shown on Zuko’s face because Uncle winked, and then Zuko was laughing too hard to even think about defending his teenage self.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Legacy</b>
</p>
<p>“Toph,” Zuko said, horrified. “I <i>can’t</i> have a huge statue of me right in the middle of Republic City. I will look like a, a—”</p>
<p>“Like a pompous prick?” Toph grinned. “You should have thought about that before you made that bet in our card game last month. And since you lost to <i>me</i>, I’m gonna metalbend you the best statue ever, and <i>everyone</i> is gonna want to see this thing!”</p>
<p>Zuko just held his head in his hands.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” he heard her say. “I already have a plan to trick Twinkle Toes into one of his own!”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Wisdom</b>
</p>
<p>As Izumi cried on his shoulder, he tried to remember what he would’ve wanted to hear at this age. Not that he could have gone to his own father over his first heartbreak. No, this would take one of Uncle’s proverbs.</p>
<p>“There will be other turtleducks in the pond. So, just watch out, and make sure they don’t bite your toes.”</p>
<p>She cried even harder for a breath, coughed, and began giggling so uncontrollably that Zuko thought he broke her. It seemed he would never get the words right, but the meanings behind Uncle’s proverbs left a deep impression.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Name</b>
</p>
<p>“So, what have you decided?” Zuko asked. Normally, the Fire Sages required the approval of royal names well before pregnancy. Izumi had refused to name her child until she laid eyes on him, and Zuko was proud that she’d stood up for herself.</p>
<p>“I know you want us to forge our own path and look to the future, but we wanted to do something different,” she said.</p>
<p>“Oh?” Zuko asked absentmindedly.</p>
<p>“Dad,” she said in a way that made Zuko tear his eyes away from the grandson cradled in his arms for the first time, “He’s named after Uncle.”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Advice</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko was fifty-two when he told his personal guard that he should just sleep on the situation and make a decision in the morning.</p>
<p>“A man needs his rest,” Zuko said, and then all the color in his face drained.</p>
<p>“Are you okay, Fire Lord?” he asked. “You look like you’ve seen the Kemurikage.”</p>
<p>Zuko hardly heard the poor man. Oh, if Uncle were still alive, he would have been <i>unbearable</i>, hearing his words coming from Zuko’s lips.</p>
<p>“I’m fine. Now please excuse me, I have to go dunk my head in a bucket of water for an hour.”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Energy</b>
</p>
<p>Zuko barely made it into the kitchen before collapsing at the table. Vacations were rare; they were supposed to be about relaxation. His grandson, however, didn’t seem to understand that concept. No six-year-old should be able to tire out a grown man by the afternoon, and yet Iroh had managed to do that every single day so far.</p>
<p>A pitter patter of feet was the first clue that Zuko’s short break was over. “C’mon, let’s go!” his grandson said. </p>
<p>Zuko smiled. No matter how tired he was, Zuko could never deny Iroh, “Just one more horse-piggy back ride, Grandfather!”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>
  <b>Home</b>
</p>
<p>When Korra first told him, the shock overwhelmed him.</p>
<p>Later, when he knew Izumi was safe, he wanted to ask her to accompany him to the Spirit World, but then the Red Lotus happened. He couldn’t ask for something so trivial as she recovered.</p>
<p>He was afraid to go alone. </p>
<p>It was silly, but there it was. He’d made peace with Uncle’s passing, and was afraid to disturb that.</p>
<p>Then Korra brought him a letter from Uncle Iroh, and his resolve shattered. She agreed immediately. They would travel to the Spirit World, and he would see his uncle again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, just like with the Iroh drabbles, this is a version of something I wrote on ffnet in 2008. At the time, I didn’t understand that a drabble is exactly 100 words. Turning those sentences into actual drabbles was a fun puzzle for me over these last couple of years, and I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. This was a niche project, but if you liked even one of them, telling me which one would make my entire week &lt;3</p>
<p>Some individual drabble notes:</p>
<p>Disgrace— Emotionally paired with “Respect,” from the Iroh drabble fic.</p>
<p>Fulfillment— Part of me wants to say that it’s not realistic for Zuko’s crew to not know about his scar for almost three years of traveling with him, but I teach middle school, and kids that age can be really good at shutting out adults. (They are also so willing to talk about the things that matter to them if you give an earnest ear, but that’s another conversation.) I imagine that Zuko used his anger as a wall so that no one would want to get close to him, and the crew just let it happen. I’m not blaming them— it’s a bad situation all around.</p>
<p>Birthday— We don’t know when Lu Ten died, so obviously I’m going to make the situation work for Maximum Angst™</p>
<p>Anniversary— To be clear, Zuko 100% thinks it’s possible to capture the Avatar, even though he hasn’t been seen in almost a century. He just thinks everyone is underestimating him like usual.</p>
<p>Family— I tend to head canon that Iroh’s wife died in childbirth, but since we don’t know for sure what happened to her, I made a different version to be as angsty as possible</p>
<p>Friends— I went back and forth on this one, because really Toph is in a similar position to Zuko when it comes to friends, but Zuko is in a bit of a self-centered mindset as he’s trying to come to terms with his place in this new group</p>
<p>Legacy— There’s no way Zuko or Aang asked for those statues in Republic City, and it’s comics canon that Toph likes making statues of herself, so I simply connected the dots</p>
<p>Wisdom— I have seen it spelled “turtleduck” and “turtle duck,” so I just picked the one that made the 100 word count work. If you want to fight me over it, know that I want to fight myself first because I spent way too long agonizing over the spelling of this stupid cute animal</p>
<p>Energy— In the version I wrote as a teenager on ffnet, the sentence was “No matter how tired he was, Iroh could never deny Zuko “Just one more horse-piggy back ride Uncle!”” The reversal amused me.</p>
<p>Home— In The Legacy of the Fire Nation, Iroh dictates a letter to Korra, who brings it to Zuko. She has short hair in the picture, so I’m guessing that Zuko went to the Spirit World after season 4, because we know he visited Uncle at some point</p>
<p>Title for this fic and the series are lyrics from Rush’s “Time Stand Still”</p>
<p>Find me on tumblr at <a href="https://klainelynch.tumblr.com/">klainelynch</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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